OLP Series
by Love's Bitch
Summary: This is a Series Songfic, based on the songs of the Canadian band, Our Lady Peace. The idea is that throughout S.5, all of the Scoobies hear an OLP song at one point or another and really connect with it. Some parts are pretty short. What can I say? I got
1. Strength

TITLE: OLP Series  
AUTHOR: Love's Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L.M.  
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc. I only **wish** Spike were mine. All songs and lyrics belong to Raine Maida and the rest of Our Lady Peace.  
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.   
RATING: PG   
SPOILERS: All of Season 5  
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction?  
SUMMARY: This is a Series Songfic, based on the songs of the Canadian band, Our Lady Peace. The idea is that throughout S.5, all of the Scoobies hear an OLP song at one point or another and really connect with it. Some parts are pretty short. What can I say? I got inspired at a recent concert…this is the result.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to Richess, SpikeLover, and Maladetto Lupo for beta'ing. You guys rock.   
  
  
  
Strength  
Part 1 (of 7) - Joyce and Buffy  
Post Shadow  
  
  
Buffy sat in her mother's hospital room, watching her sleep. A schoolbook lay open on her lap, her homework forgotten, and her portable CD player playing softly. She began to wonder how she had gotten here. Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, Saviour of Sunnydale and beyond, Executioner of Demons and Protector of Puppies, and here she sat.   
  
Helpless.   
  
Because this time the assailant wasn't a vampire which could be quickly dispatched with a small pointed stick. It wasn't a mystery that needed solving, a prophecy that needed decoding. No research was going to help. No matter how many axes or how many bottles of holy water, there was nothing she could do.   
  
And she hated it.   
  
And she didn't understand. How could the Powers That Be, be so cruel? She had saved the world countless times, so they decide to put her mother in mortal danger? She tried to remind herself that it wasn't mortal danger. This was an operable tumour and her mother would be home and happy before any of them knew it. But something inside Buffy told her that the threat was fatal, and that she should cherish her time with her mother, while she had it.   
  
The song switched over on the mixed CD Xander had made for her, and the song "Thief," by Our Lady Peace came on. Buffy listened in silence, still studying her mother's peaceful features.   
  
**I don't want to understand…this horror  
There's a weight in your eyes…that I can't admit  
Everybody ends up here…in bottles  
But the name tags the last thing…you wanted  
As the world explodes…we fall out of it  
But we can't let go because this   
Will not go away  
  
And I can't see that thief that lives inside of your head  
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed  
I don't know what's happening and I won't pretend  
But I can be your...be your…I'm here…  
  
Someone help us understand…who ordered  
This disgusting arrangement…with time and the end  
I don't want to hear who walked on water  
Because the hallways are empty…the clocks tick  
As the world explodes…we fall out of it  
But we can't let go because this   
Will not go away  
  
And I can't see that thief that lives inside of your head  
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed  
I don't know what's happening and I can't pretend  
It's a long, long getaway…it's a long, long getaway…  
To make it home again… **  
  
As the song finished, Buffy noticed a few tears on her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and went to sit at her mother's side. At the shift in weight on the bed, Joyce stirred. When she opened her tired eyes and saw Buffy's face looking down on her, she smiled.  
  
"Hey, sweetheart." She noticed the wetness around her daughter's eyes, and reached up to brush her cheek. "Now, don't do that. You know it's going to be okay."  
  
The Slayer paused, wanting to say so much, but also needing to be strong for her mother. "Mom…I…I'm scared." Another tear fell from her eye. "I know I have to be strong for you and Dawnie, but I'm so afraid of losing you."  
  
Joyce's sad smile brightened a little at the intensity of her daughter's love, and through a tightened throat she comforted her daughter. "Buffy, you don't have to be strong for us. We're Summers women. We are all strong…for each other." She opened her arms and the two women hugged, both shedding a few tears, both comforted by the other's strength, as well as the other's love.   
  
But, both still thinking of the thief.   



	2. All Along

All Along  
Part 2 (of 7) - Xander and Anya  
Into the Woods  
  
  
"I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move. I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt in my life…like a man. I just thought you might wanna know."   
  
Xander finished his little proclamation of love to Anya, as she stepped forward and kissed him. He hadn't realized how much he needed to tell her how he felt. He hadn't realized that he hadn't told her, or that she might not know how much he loved her. After seeing Buffy and Riley fall apart like they had, he had felt an overwhelming urge not to let that happen between Anya and himself. The entire walk home, all he thought about was how to tell Anya exactly how he felt, but until the moment he stood before her, he hadn't known what to say. As soon as he saw her, the words took over and all Xander could do was open his mouth and let them come.   
  
Anya was completely unprepared for the outpouring of emotion that she had just witnessed. She was even more unprepared for the feelings that his words evoked in her. She had never been so happy or so in love as she was at that moment. Suddenly, all she wanted was to be in his arms, forever. There was so much she wanted to say, but her mind refused to put the thoughts into words, so she kissed him instead. She poured all of her love and passion for him into the kiss, and hoped he understood.   
  
They made love then, slow and sensual, for hours. They carefully explored each other's bodies as if it were the first time they had been together. They took their time and expressed in actions what their hearts felt. The love between them intensified every sensation, every motion, and it was like nothing either of them had ever experienced.   
  
Afterwards, they lay together, silently reminiscing about what they had just done. Anya had absently reached over and turned on her CD player, which had one of Xander's discs in it.   
  
**I walked around my good intentions  
and found that there were none  
I blame my father for the wasted years  
we hardly talked  
I never thought I would forget this hate  
then a phone call made me realize   
I'm wrong  
  
If I don't make it known that  
I've loved you all along  
just like the sunny days that  
we ignore because   
we're all dumb & jaded  
and I hope to God I figure out  
what's wrong  
  
I walked around my room   
not thinking  
just sinking in this box  
I blame myself for being too much  
like somebody else   
I never thought I would just  
bend this way   
And If I don't make it known that  
I've loved you all along  
just like the sunny days that  
we ignore because   
we're all dumb & jaded  
and I hope to God I figure out  
what's wrong**  
By the last chorus, Xander had sat up, motioning dramatically and was singing along, trying to imitate the singer's voice and failing miserably, "And if I don't make it known that I've loved you all along…"   
Anya laughed at him, "Stop, Xander, you sound like a dying cow." She giggled again at his feigned hurt expression. He lay back down with her and she began to stroke his hair, lovingly. "You know, when I first got turned mortal, I hated it. Every second was like Hell, and all I wanted was to get back to putting boils on penises for scorned women."  
Xander paled a little, "Please go on."  
"Well, it's just that…that was before I found you. Everything changed for me after we went out to that mindless ritual." Anya was referring to their first date, at the Sunnydale High Prom. "I thought the feelings would go away when I left, but you were mostly all I thought about, so I came back. But sleeping with you only made it worse." She looked at Xander, all the feelings she couldn't put into words shining bright in her eyes. "So I decided to stay with you. And it never went away…you're still all I think about. Only its different now, because that's all I want to think about."   
She smiled when Xander nodded understanding. She hadn't said it very well, but that was part of who she was, part of why he loved her. "I know exactly how you feel."   
They snuggled close and fell asleep in each other's arms that night, nothing but joy in their hearts.  
  



	3. Out Of The Light

Out of the Light  
Part 3 (of 7) - Spike  
Post Crush  
  
  
Spike sat alone in his crypt, his head hurting with all the thoughts buzzing through it, and his heart hurting with all the things that Buffy had said the night before. 'The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.' And he was utterly brassed off. He was mad at himself, mad at Buffy, mad at Drusilla, mad at Harmony, mad at Sunnyhell, mad at the world. His anger at Dru and Harm was just for them being there, for being his ex's, for hurting him, or for letting him hurt them. If Dru had never left him…or if Harmony hadn't been so mindless and eager to be controlled…he shook his head, trying to hide from the thought of a different life.   
  
He was mad at Buffy for de-inviting him. Nothing she could have said would have hurt him as much as that. Her closing him out of her life like that, after he had told her how he felt about her, after he had bared his non-existent soul to her; it was just too much. He wanted to rip her throat out one second, and kiss it the next. He was so confused and hurt; he was out of his mind and didn't know what to do.   
  
He was mad at the town for being the way it was. If it hadn't been a Hellmouth, he would have never come here with Dru in the first place. And Buffy would never have been here defending it. They would have never met.   
  
Spike thought hard for a second, trying to decide if that would have been better. "Its better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all," he muttered to himself. "I wonder if that counts for unrequited love…" He tried not to think of how things could have been.   
  
To drown the thought, he took a long swig of the bourbon that graced his table, and turned up his music. He'd stolen the CD from Xander one day at the Magic Shop, and had been pleasantly surprised with it. 'At least the whelp has good taste in music…' Spike had put this specific song on repeat and had already listened to it upwards of twenty times.   
  
The song expressed everything Spike was feeling about his mistake last night. He felt trapped in the day before, replaying every mistake, thinking of things he could have done differently. He was so annoyed at himself and couldn't get over what a prick he'd been, chaining her up and trying to threaten a confession of love out of her. But, like he had said the night before, he knew what he felt for the Slayer was wrong, but it was there, it was real, and it needed to be dealt with. He had just tried to deal with it in the worst way.   
  
And he had probably lost any chance with her.  
  
**You feel the love, you feel the past,  
All the things you thought you had…  
  
Oh, well I woke up in hell today  
I woke up depressed and drained  
But that's okay 'cause  
I promised not to hurt you again  
And apparently I'm to blame  
But apparently I've been framed  
By a memory that won't help  
Me when it's happening  
Out of the mind   
Out of the soul   
Out of the light   
Out of control**  
  
Her. The Slayer. Buffy. The woman he loved. The woman who hated him for everything he was and everything he had been. He wished that he could just make her understand how much he had changed. But he knew she would never listen now. He'd gone about the whole thing all-wrong last night. He had been out of control, running purely on anger at her earlier rejection, and adrenaline from feeding again. He had acted impulsively, as always, and had formed a less than calculated plan. And she probably hated him even more now than she had before.   
  
**Standing in the middle of yesterday  
Where it all went wrong  
Where we made mistakes  
I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say  
But it won't be long  
Until it will be okay  
  
Well I promised you I would I change  
But I'm an asshole and I'm ashamed  
I'm upset 'cause I betrayed everything  
That you gave  
Will you ever let me explain  
Can I beg you to let me stay  
Don't quit me  
'Cause I'll never let this happen...again**  
  
And he had changed. A great deal. Over the past year, he had tried so hard to help out, and even though his efforts were sprinkled with a few homicidal tendencies, he was, after all, a vampire. But the thing was, he felt bad about them. Like now. Sure he'd made some bad choices yesterday, but he was sorry. He knew he'd been awful and he felt awful about it. But she would never let him justify himself, never let him explain. To her, he was just a soulless demon. Destined to hurt over and over, never meant to change.   
  
**You feel the love, you feel the past,  
All the things you thought you had…  
  
Standing in the middle of yesterday  
Where it all went wrong  
Where we made mistakes  
I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say  
But it won't be long  
Until it will be okay  
  
I'll make it up to you…**  
  
Taking another mouthful of his drink, Spike tried to shake himself out of the gloom. It couldn't be all bad. Angel had killed someone and slept with Drusilla and she still let him back in her life. All he had done was chain her up for a few hours…and threaten her life, but there was nothing new about that. He would make it up to her. He would do whatever it took to prove he'd changed, that he really did love her. He was out of the light now, but once he had her, it would be like walking in the sun again.   
  
  
  
  



	4. Waited

Waited   
Part 4 (of 7) - Willow and Tara   
Tough Love  
  
  
Willow sat on a cushion on the Magic Shop's floor, not really paying attention to the music that played in her headphones. She was still thinking about the fight she'd had with Tara earlier. She couldn't believe that the blonde witch had said her power frightened her. She had been really hurt when Tara had told her she wasn't sure how she would fit in her life. Willow knew that she didn't really think the redhead was going to "go back to Boystown," but the fact that she had considered it gave her a sick feeling. Tara didn't trust her.   
  
Willow shook her head, trying to erase the fight from her memory. It had been just that. One fight. They'd never had one before, and who was to say it would ever happen again. She still hated that they'd had it, but no relationship is perfect, right? The redhead turned up her music and looked out the window, hoping her lover would come to find her.   
  
**Hit the ground  
weighed down again.  
You walked out  
But I'm sure you're my friend  
  
I waited  
But I must be too dumb to be proud  
Because I waited, I waited**  
  
The witch smiled slightly, knowing that sitting here, waiting for Tara to show up like this was silly. She knew as soon as she saw the blonde again, all would be forgiven. When it came to loving Tara, Willow truly had no pride. She would do anything for her love. Willow walked over to talk to Giles about the fight.   
  
"At least it's over now," Giles said offhandedly, and Willow panicked.  
  
"Over? How could it be over? I just found her!" Her heart wrenched at the idea that her newfound love had run its course.   
  
"The quarrel is over," Giles said, in explanation.  
  
Willow sighed in relief at Giles' meaning. The thought of losing Tara now, after such a stupid fight, made her think maybe she should go look for Tara instead of waiting for her to come to the Shop. After a few more minutes of talking with Giles, the redhead was convinced, and was about to ready herself to leave, when Giles walked over to the back door with a peculiar expression on his face, still giving her advice.   
  
"This too," he said, opening the door, revealing one of Glory's henchmen, and closing it against the creature's head quickly, knocking him down, "Shall pass."  
  
"Oh! That's one of Glory's minons," Anya appeared, having come running at the noise.  
  
"Yes, how very helpful." Giles questioned the decomposing being on its purpose for spying on them, but to no avail. The Hobbit-with-leprosy refused to talk about anything helpful, just continued to praise his beloved God. Finally, Giles asked the girls to get some twine to tie him up with and the moment their backs were turned, there was a crunching sound and a cry from the creature. The girls turned, confused, and Giles explained sheepishly, "He changed his mind."  
  
The grotesque being implied that Glory knew whom the Key was and was retrieving it at that very moment. Anya, Giles and Willow all looked on with shock lighting their faces.   
  
"We've got to call Buffy," Anya said, turning to get the phone.   
  
"Too late. Too late," the minion said, still gasping for breath, "Glorificus will find the witch and there's nothing you can do to stop her."   
  
"The witch?" The ex-demon had sounded confused, but Willow understood almost immediately.   
  
"Tara," she gasped. She had forgotten about the blonde witch in all the commotion, and suddenly her heart tightened again at the thought of losing her to Glory.   
  
That had been fifteen minutes ago, and now Willow was trying to find her love at the fair they were supposed to go to. She weaved through people, trying desperately to do a spell to help her find Tara, to help her protect Tara. Her mind was cluttered with worry and doubt and guilt of sending the blonde off alone, and the words refused to come. The only words that would form in her head were those from the song she'd been listening to earlier.   
  
** I waited  
But I must be too dumb to be proud  
Because I waited, I waited**  
  
It was then that she saw Tara, sitting alone on a bench, a vacant look on her face. Willow finally reached her side.   
  
"Tara, are you okay?"  
  
The blonde looked at her for only a second, and the hope that she was still in there filled Willows heart.  
  
**Woke to sounds  
I prayed you were there  
I fell back down  
But I'm sure you still care**  
  
"It's dirty. It's all dirty. And all over me. Dirty, dirty, bad. Bad!"  
  
Willow's heart broke then, as she clutched her altered lover to her, and tears stained her face. "Tara, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…"   
**It must have been good, this can't be for good.**  
The two witches sat there, the redhead rocking the blonde like a baby, whispering comforts in her ear, crying as much for her guilt as for her lover's pain.   
"I should have found you, Tara," She kissed the other girl's cheek, just below her empty eyes, "I shouldn't have waited, I'm so sorry."   
  
  
  
  



	5. Stubborn

Stubborn   
Part 5 (of 7) - Buffy and Willow  
Weight of the World   
  
  
Buffy walked towards the bookcase in the Magic Shop, putting a book away. As it slid into its right place, she paused, just for a second, and in that time, she gave up. In that one second she killed her sister, sealed her fate, and she was relieved. Before she could think much of that second, it started over again. She walked towards the bookcase, with the same book in her hand. As she raised it to the shelf, her mind returned to the fact that they weren't going to win. Dawn would die, and it would all be over. Then she could go back to her life. She sighed slightly in relief. The moment started over again.   
  
Willow watched as her friend tortured herself over and over, a half minute at a time. She could faintly hear the music she'd left on back in the apartment, her only sign that everything in the real world was okay. Finally, the redhead reacted to what Buffy had asked a moment before: "What if I can't snap out of it?"   
  
"Then I guess you're right. And you did kill your sister." Willow turned to walk away. She knew she was being harsh, but she had to get through to Buffy. She had to understand how important she was to the fight ahead, but she was being so damn stubborn.   
  
"Wait." Both versions of her friend spoke, "Where are you going?"  
  
"Where you're needed," the witch looked over her shoulder, "Are you coming?"  
  
And suddenly they were back in Xander's bedroom, sitting across from each other silently. Buffy looked around for a second before she began to weep. She covered her face and leaned over, ashamed.   
  
At first Willow let her cry, let her sit at her side of the room and let all the guilt wash out of her with very sob, with every tear. She hadn't realized how much Dawn meant to the Slayer until their conversation in Buffy's head. Now that her mother was gone, it was as though Dawn was Buffy's only real family, her only link to the girl she was pre-Chosen One.   
  
Willow went to her, finally, putting her arms around her long-time friend. Buffy cried into Willows shoulders, all the guilt in the world at having lost her sister coming out through the tears. The music that Willow had left on filtered through her tired mind, and she listened, thinking Willow knew exactly what she was doing when she had picked the song.   
  
**Tired & jaded  
this road is unsafe  
have you been there  
but time is on your side  
you're too stubborn to wait  
are you listening  
they want you to know  
they want you to stay  
but its too much to take  
so you're running away  
  
it's more than I can bear  
  
car crash  
ending your day  
at the side of the road  
are you trembling  
they'll wake up today  
to the papers that say  
"oh well" it was too hard to tell  
he was swerving they were swerving  
much too late**  
  
"I'm so sorry Will. I know I put us behind on the finding Dawn. I was just so shocked that Glory had taken her so easily. I knew it had to be my fault." She nodded at the CD player in the corner, and gave a small smile to her friend. "It was too much to take, and I was running away."  
  
Willow hugged her hurting friend tighter and said into her ear, "Its alright. I just wish you'd quit that."   
  
The friends shared a strained laugh and Buffy looked at her redheaded friend, a new determination burning in her eyes. "We'll get them back, Wills. We'll get them both back." She paused a moment, looking at her friend, seeing the love she felt for her reflected in the redhead's eyes. "Thank you, Will. I don't know what I would do without you. You've always been the level head in my life. I love you."  
  
Willow smiled, glad for the pre-battle heart-to-heart, "I know, I love you, too. I don't know what the world would do without you."   
  
They stood up and hugged one last time before they walked out of the bedroom to get the others and head off to save the world. Anya and Tara both looked up from the television as they entered the living room and Anya jumped up, immediately.  
  
"Is she still comatose, or can we go find Xander now?" She looked anxious, and Buffy smiled lightly.  
  
"I'm all better, Anya." She turned to Willow, taking charge, being the Slayer, instead of the hurting sister. "Lets go find the boys, okay? You can fill me in on anything I missed on the way there."  
  
They left the apartment, Buffy leading the way, her famous determined, stubborn look on her face.   
  
  
  



	6. Understanding

Understanding   
Part 6 (of 7) - Dawn   
Post The Gift  
  
  
Dawn lay on her bed blaring her music, trying to block out thoughts, trying to block out the world. It had been a week since Buffy's death and four days since her funeral. The funeral had been awful, with almost a hundred people coming out to mourn her sister. People she recognized from Buffy's high school days, people from the college, people she'd never seen before. Her father wasn't there. No one knew where he was, exactly. Angel couldn't make it. Truth be told, he could have come, but couldn't handle it. Willow said he was a mess when she left L.A. All the Scoobies came, of course, all cried. But Dawn didn't. She decided she must be out of tears. Losing the two people who meant the most to her over one year, kind of dried a girl up.   
  
Everyone was being great to her, getting her whatever she wanted, helping out wherever she needed it. They all seemed to understand. The school had understood when she wanted to take off for a week or so, and Dawn had hung up on the principal, who was saying again how sorry she was. The courts understood that she wanted to stay in her house. Evidently, Giles and the council had helped them understand. Tara and Willow understood that she didn't want anything to do with magic anymore. They knew how much it hurt her to think of what she was, what being the Key had done to her family. Xander and Anya understood that she didn't want to be cheered up. After a few days of silence and a lot of slammed doors, they got the point. Spike understood that she didn't want to talk about it. He came over a lot and just sat with her, just in case she wanted to talk, but he never spoke, appreciating her need for silence. And Giles…he understood that she wanted to be alone. He understood that she wanted to blare her music and block out the world.   
  
They still hadn't found her father and Dawn found she didn't care. She found that a lot lately. There was no pain if she didn't care, so she turned off her feelings toward everything. She closed people out of her heart, not allowing herself to care, therefore not allowing people to leave her, hurt her.   
  
The next song started on the CD she had taken from Buffy's bedroom about a week before her death. Dawn hadn't had a chance to listen to it yet, so after going through most of her own CD's she'd put it in. Originally, she just wanted to look at the pictures of the lead singer, who was way hot, but now she needed the music, too. She stared at the ceiling, not thinking about anything, not Buffy, not Glory, not the Scoobies, and certainly not Giles, who was most likely sitting downstairs thinking about her.   
  
**How many times have you been  
Pushed around  
Is anybody there  
Does anybody care  
How many times have your friends  
Let you down  
Is anybody there  
Did anybody stare**  
  
The lyrics ran through Dawn's mind, taking her back to the day her mother died. They had stared then, when she was on the floor in her school, crying her eyes out, yelling at Buffy that she was lying, how could she. They had stared at her then, like they had stared at her at Buffy's funeral. They all wanted to fix her, but she wasn't sure what was broken.   
  
**How many times have your friends let you down just open up your heart just open up your mind   
How many times has your faith slipped away  
Is anybody safe  
Does any body pray  
  
Life is waiting for you  
It's all messed up but we're alive  
Life is waiting for you  
It's all messed up but we'll survive**  
  
Dawn smiled a little, more of a smile than she'd had in the past ten days, and thought to herself how truly messed up her life really was. 'Its funny,' she thought, 'I don't feel like I've survived.' She didn't notice the small tears gathering in her eyes.   
  
**How many days have you just slept away Is everybody high Is everyone afraid   
How many times have you wished you  
Were strong  
Have they ever seen your heart  
Have they ever seen your pain**  
  
The young girl began to think about the past week, and all the times that she had wished everyone away, that she had just stayed in her room, pretending to sleep. She thought about all the times that she had wished Buffy were still alive, that she wished for her sister's inner strengths. She also thought about how she was closing herself off from the pain, never letting anyone see it, or how much she truly hurt. And she began to cry.   
  
**Life is waiting for you  
It's all messed up but we're alive  
Life is waiting for you  
It's all messed up but we'll survive  
  
She get high, she gets lost she gets drowned, by the cost, twice a day every week and all her life**  
  
'The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.' Those had been her sister's last words. Her last request. She had wanted Dawn to go out and live her life, not to stay in her room, shut off from the world, shut off from herself. Dawn's tears fell harder as she realized what she had been doing to her friends, to the people that cared about her. Tears of guilt, tears of pain, tears of relief coursed down her face. She knew now that she had to live, for Buffy. She left the song playing and got off her bed. She went to the door, unlocked it, and walked out, looking for Giles.  
  
**Life is waiting for you  
It's all messed up but we're alive  
Life is waiting for you  
It's all messed up but we'll survive**  
  
Dawn finally understood.   



	7. Never Knew

Never Knew  
Part 7 (of 7) - Giles   
Post Gift  
  
Giles paused outside Dawn's door for the eighth time that day. The loud commotion coming from her disc player was grating on his last nerve, but he thought he understood her need for solace. She seemed to find a little bit of joy in the music, but he was afraid she was just hiding from the world. For days all she had done was sit in her room, listening to one CD after another, but as far as he could tell, they may have all been the same.   
  
The Watcher passed her door, and walked towards his old charge's room. Buffy's smell still hung in the air, and Giles took a deep breath, missing the young lady so much it hurt sometimes. He busied himself during the day, taking care of the house and of Dawn, making her eat and making her come out of her room when any of the gang stopped by. At night, she would return to her room, unless Spike came by, and then they would sit in the living room in silence. But if the bleached vampire didn't come by, then Giles sat alone, most often in Buffy's room, thinking of what he could have done differently. How they could have stopped her from taking that fatal dive.   
  
Tonight, he walked in and stood in the middle of the room, taking in every detail of the girl she once was. He slowly turned, as if memorizing everything, as if trying to picture her here, talking to Willow, or giving Dawn a hard time. His gaze finally fell on her own CD player, and a small blinking number on the display. He looked closer and realized that she had left a disc on pause. Giles tentatively reached up, unsure if it was more morbid to leave it on pause, or to let the song play out.   
  
Finally he pressed the play button and a strangled voice surrounded him.   
**We live, we die  
I don't know the reasons we ask why  
We hate, we push  
Recent tests show we are all misunderstood  
  
Something's seizing  
You know you lost your mind  
You know we all need saving   
She found you late last night  
You feel the madness gaining  
  
You know you just can't win  
You know this  
But I'm just so tired of waking up on the ground  
I never knew the girl  
And I never knew the world hurt**  
  
Giles sat on the edge of Buffy's bed, as tears began to fall from his eyes. He had known Buffy for so long, he thought he knew her completely, but she had managed to surprise him, hurt him, and even make him so proud with that last leap. She knew what a spot they had been in, it was either her or Dawn, and she had given her life. And he had cursed her for it. He had hated her for it. He realized that now, and he cried for all the wasted time he had spent on anger. He remembered telling her once that he had buried many people in his time as a Watcher, but Jenny had been the only one he had loved. Now there were two women he loved that he had buried. And he had never known how much it could hurt. He knew, though, that the world was in trouble without her.   
**We beg, we pray  
But everything still happens anyway  
Something's teasing  
Your conscience can't decide  
She stopped your will from caving   
But left you paranoid**  
  
Giles listened to the words as they connected in his head. He started thinking about Dawn's behavior and realized slowly that he had to do something. She was shutting them all out and simply falling away from them. Eventually she would turn into a shell of her former self, void of caring or love, unless he helped her. He never knew what having a daughter was like until Buffy became his Slayer, but taking care of Dawn, now, was so much more. He was responsible for her, and he had to bring her back.   
  
**You feel the constant straining  
She reappears divine  
You noticed  
But I'm just so tired of waking up all alone**  
  
Wiping tears from his eyes, he stood and turned to go talk to Dawn. Instead, he found her in the doorway to Buffy's room, staring at him with a guilty expression on her face and tears running from her eyes.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Giles." She began, "I didn't realize…but I'm okay now, or I will be. Buffy told me that I had to live for her." She stopped for a second, trying to regain her composure, trying to slow the tears that had finally come, but unable to, "And I want to. I will."  
  
It was then that she broke down completely, weeping, and Giles went to her, holding her tightly. Sobs wracked the small body in his arms, but the Watcher smiled in spite of himself. Buffy, who had been gone for over a week now, had still managed to help one last person.   
  
He never knew how much he loved her until right then.   



End file.
